Categories
RTD Original Weddings

30+ Weird, Geeky and Cool Wedding Cakes

Wedding cakes are almost as central to the event as the vows themselves, which is why so many people pour thousands of dollars into stunning pastries, but if you’re going to fork over all that money, you might as well make your cake something to remember. These wedding cakes are some of the most awesome and inspired edible arts you’re likely to ever see. Keep your wedding décor fresh and classic with a table fabric runners and matching cotton napkins.  If you’re surprised at how great the DaisySlots casino games are, then, believe me, these cake lists are also surprisingly interesting for each type of event.

Scrabble:

My boyfriend and I first met over a game of scrabble, so I can completely understand where this couple is coming from. For those of us with a love of the language Scrabble is a perfect game board to celebrate our love.

Dungeons and Dragons:

An epic battle to save the world ends up in matrimony. It’s hard to tell even if it’s entirely edible, but either way, this D&D cake is simply amazing.

Lego:

This baked creation uses a few Lego blocks, but is mostly edible and entirely incredible. Have you ever seen such an epic cake, besides the D&D one above?

I can’t find where this cake originally came from, but the dotting on the frosting is a wonderful touch and the flowers look perfect for the style.

Katamari Damacy:

This couple really, really loves Katamari Damacy. They not only have this adorable cake to prove it, but they even wore crowns and cardboard on their heads to look like the King and Queen of the Cosmos during the ceremony.

Of course, they’re not the only ones fascinated with the brilliantly bizarre Japanese game. These two couples also have adorned their cakes with Katamari goodness.

Mario:

If you haven’t seen this amazing Super Mario cake yet, then you must not go on the internet…ever. Although it’s been making its rounds for years now, there’s no denying just how amazing this cake is.

This Super Mario Kart cake may not have seen as much exposure as the first, but the details are stunning and the fact that it seems to defy gravity make it even more impressive.

While this one may not be as professional and clean as the ones above, it is still pretty darn impressive and the cute figures at the bottom make up for it.

Tetris:

“You are the missing piece I’ve been looking for my entire life,” finally a cake with a deeper message of love.

Pac Man:

I always loved the cutaways between levels in Ms. Pacman where she falls in love with her perfect mate, and finally someone has used their pill-munching relationship to seal love forever.

Gaming Systems:

I don’t know the original source of this image, but the geeky excitement of the bride is just too good to pass up.

Zelda:

While the cake on top is adorable, the coolest thing about this wedding cake is the inventory icons seen on top of each cupcake.

Star Wars:

Sure plenty of people love Star Wars, but it takes some serious dedication to geekery in order for a couple to commit to a Star Wars-themed wedding. When the cake itself is a full-scale replica of R2-D2, the dorkiness and awesomeness both increase exponentially.

This Millennium Falcon isn’t quite as cool as a full-sized R2-D2, but it’s still pretty bad ass.

While the fallen AT-AT cake and ewok cupcakes are super cool, can someone explain why Leia seems to be marrying Admiral Ackbar instead of Hans? Come on people, are you hoping for fish babies?

This couple seems to be starting their marriage off on the dark side with a terrifyingly realistic Death Star cake. Sure it looks cool, but the path of a true Jedi is the way of the light.

What’s worse than cursing your wedding with the dark side? Eating the likes of Jabba the Hut. While the cake is awesome, there’s still something to be said about not having a wedding cake that resembles a runny mound of dog poo.

Stargate:

Fans of Stargate are sure to feel a tinge of jealousy when they see the incredible detail put into the wormhole on this cake. Even more impressive, the entire thing was handmade by the bride’s parents.

Doctor Who:

Stargate is alright, but this Dalek cake makes me jealous. The groom even has a top hat.

If cute wedding toppers just aren’t cool enough for you though, here’s a cake made in the shape of a Dalek. Personally, I’d be a little worried it was poisoned in an attempt to EXTERMINATE!

The magical part of this Tardis cake is idea that the bride and groom can travel together throughout all of time and space for the rest of their lives. Who wouldn’t want to celebrate that kind of love?

Corpse Bride:

Dark, cold and creepy are hardly standard wedding adjectives, but when it comes to a Corpse Bride wedding cake, they are spot on. And while death is generally not something romantic, it can be when it comes to Tim Burton movies.

This one I’ve seen in person. My friend is a huge Tim Burton fan and the Corpse Bride cake was a perfect touch to their Halloween wedding where guests were asked to dress up.

Nightmare Before Christmas:

Of course, the Corpse Bride isn’t the only dark Tim Burton romance. This Nightmare Before Christmas cake with adorable Jack Skellington cupcakes is both romantic and stylish.

Steampunk:

Wooden paneling, bronzed metal cogs and gilded bolts make steampunk cakes notably different than the standard wedding treat. At the same time, the look is still dignified and stunning.

H.R. Giger

What’s more romantic than two creepy Giger aliens finding true love in a creepy biomechanical cake? Maybe lots of things, but few of them look as cool.

Replica of The Bride:

If you think eating alien cake is a little creepy, just wait until you resort to cake cannibalism. Is it just me or is there something wrong about eating the bride at her own wedding?

Wedding Dress:

For those that don’t want to eat the bride, but just her dress, here’s an edible wedding dress created by Lukka Sigurdardottir. While this can help you save some money by combining the dress and cake, it will probably be hard to walk down the aisle in something so decadent.

Beatles:

While this is the only music-inspired cake I have ran across so far, there’s no denying just how awesome it is. The colors, the surrealism, the size and the topper are all incredible.

Sushi:

Some people aren’t big on cake, but instead love sushi. This fishy wedding cake is made up of rice, tuna, salmon, yellow tail and wasabi and topped with salmon roe, avocado, cucumber, and more. Assuming it was properly prepared and chilled, I think I’d be just as excited over a sushi cake as a standard dessert cake.

Seen any cool wedding cakes lately? Add your links in the comments!

If you like this post, be sure to check out these Terribly Trashy Tuxes and the 10 Trashiest Wedding Dresses.

Categories
Drugs History RTD Original

A History Of Marijuana Use And Prohibition

This November, California will be voting on whether or not to legalize marijuana throughout the state. At the same time, Drug Czar Gil Kerlikowske has promised to stop federal drug raids of medicinal marijuana dispensaries.

Update: Unfortunately, Californian voted against this measure and Mr. Kerlikowske lied about stopping the raids.

No matter what states do on their own though, marijuana is still illegal on the federal level and even classified on the same level as heroin because it is considered to be addictive and have no medical uses or applications. There is a reason for that. Those people recovering from addiction in Richmond Virginia can prove that marijuana can cause a lot of troubles. But why was the substance illegalized in the first place and why do people these days have such polarizing views on the drug. To understand that, it’s critical to look at the history of the drug itself.

While marijuana may not be physically addictive, many other illegal drugs are. If you or a loved one is addicted to a drug, please visit http://addiction.utsandiego.com/directory/rehab-centers/ to find a rehab center that can help.

Image by Flickr user Dey.

Florida recovery center provides addicts with the knowledge and tools to begin taking the first step towards receiving the treatment they need. Records show that cannabis seeds were used for food all the way back in 6000 B.C., by 4000 B.C. the Chinese were making textiles from hemp. As far as drug use goes, charred cannabis seeds found in a brazier at an ancient Romanian burial site shows that people were smoking marijuana 3000 years before Christ’s time. While it’s difficult to say if these seeds were used ritually or medicinally, the medicinal use of marijuana was officially documented in 2727 B.C. Since that time, every part of the world has turned to cannabis for some type of medicinal use. Nowadays you may get cannabis and hemp products from Discount Pharms.

One of the earliest groups to be known for their marijuana use were the ancient Hindus. They called the drug “ganjika” in Sanskrit, which many believe to mean “belonging to the Ganges” as it grew naturally beside the Ganges River. The word has now evolved into our modern word “ganja.” The Hindus revered their ganjika so much that the sacred text of Antharva veda, written around 900 B.C., specifically mentions dried cannabis leaves, calling them “sacred grass.” The drug was declared to be one of the five sacred plants of India and was used as medicine and offerings to the god Shiva.

By 500 B.C., Europeans were introduced to cannabis by the Scythians, who relied on the intoxicating effects for ceremonies, medicine and recreation. It caught on here just as it had with the rest of the world.

Image by Alexandra Moss.

It wasn’t until the seventh century that the drug began to be restricted. Islamic law of the time banned the use of all drugs. Even so, leaders of the community still saw a value in the use of medicinal marijuana and allowed the drug to be used in treating disease and pain. Some of them took advantage to this and started smoking it in their custom rolling paper in the form of joints. Despite the Islamic ban on the drug, Europeans still began to associate marijuana with Muslims. The Spanish Inquisition banned the use of ganja as a medicine as early as the thirteenth century. In 1484, Pope Innocent VIII forbade the use of cannabis, calling it an “unholy sacrament” of Satanism. After the Pope’s decree, the use of the herb as a healing agent started to be used by the church as evidence of witchcraft.

Nevertheless, the drug remained popular through much of Europe, partially due to its usefulness in manufacturing. The plants could be used for clothing, rope and paper and needed little natural resources or time to grow. It was considered so useful that Columbus even brought cannabis to the new world with him in 1492.

Although the use of marijuana as an intoxicant was less common by the time America was being colonized by Europeans, many early English settlers were grew hemp for the production of textiles, particularly rope and clothing. Washington, Ben Franklin and Thomas Jefferson all grew hemp. The Declaration of Independence was drafted on paper made from cannabis fiber. Washington, often considered the father of our nation, once said, “Make the most you can of the Indian hemp seed. Sow it everywhere.”

Image by Scot Beale, Laughing Squid.

By the nineteenth century, cannabis stopped being used for manufacturing as much as it had once been, but many people were instead reverting to using marijuana as medicine. Even Queen Victoria was prescribed pot as a relief for her menstrual cramps in 1891.

CBD is a cannabinoid, or chemical compound, within the cannabis plant. THC is another cannabinoid; at least 104 have been identified and we are just beginning to learn about their powers. CBD is touted for relieving pain, anxiety, and inflammation, just to name a few of its properties. Vaping is perhaps the fastest and easiest way to feel the potential benefits of CBD when experiencing chronic anxiety attacks. Many people ask if can you order wax pens online, of course, there are many online sites where you can get them and vapeactive.com is one of the best!

During this period, the drugs were not used on their own, but mixed in elixirs and tonics. Many of these drugs, all available over the counter, also contained opiates, alcohol or cocaine. As many people began getting addicted to their cough medicines, the government decided to step in and require the labeling of all products containing these drugs. This was the beginning of the end for legalized marijuana use in America.

At the turn of the twentieth century, the Mexican revolution of 1910 began spilling into the American borders and western states began to harbor negative feelings towards their south-of-the-border neighbors. In an effort to differentiate themselves from Mexicans, states started to take issue with the marijuana plant that was so popular in Mexico. California was the first state to take action against the drug, followed by Utah and other western states. Many of the laws specifically targeted use by Mexican Americans. On the east coast, similar hatred of the drug began to develop as people associated it with African Americans. Stories spread that marijuana gave minorities a feeling of equality with whites and would help them seduce white women.

Image via Torben Bjorn Hansen.

At the same time, advancements in technology started to make hemp far more efficient in the creation of paper. Increased production capacity allowed hemp to produce four times the pulp as trees and an invention by Henry Timken, the creator of the roller bearing, would allow for quick stripping of the hemp plant, leaving only pulp. This development was touted to do for hemp what the cotton gin did for the cotton industry. It was estimated that paper from hemp could cost 50% less than newsprint. Additionally, hemp could be used for plastics, fibers and fuels. Henry Ford even constructed a car using hemp hardened by resin and  fueled by hemp ethanol.

The deck was stacked. Racism against blacks and Mexicans was turning the general public against cannabis and the paper, cotton, plastics and fuel companies recognized the threat hemp placed on their industries. Between racism and economics, marijuana and its THC-impaired cousin, hemp, were on the short-road to illegalization.

When Harry J. Anslinger was selected to head the new Federal Bureau of Narcotics in 1931, he knew fighting cocaine and opium wouldn’t be enough. He decided that marijuana would be an easy opponent for his new agency. Anslinger began to help spread fear that the only people who enjoyed smoking ganja were ethnic minorities and jazz musicians. He also warned that whites who took the drug would suddenly become violent and lose all sight of their morals.

When William Randolph Hearst, who had extensive interests in the lumber industry, decided to lend his support to Anslinger, it was only a matter of time before the government outlawed the drug. Hearst’s famed yellow journalism papers helped spread misinformation about cannabis throughout the nation. Within a few years of this news saturation, films like Reefer Madness began appearing, depicting white, suburban teenagers turning to rapists and thugs after toking on one marijuana cigarette.

Public domain image courtesy of Wikipedia.

When congress passed the Marihuana Tax Act of 1937, every state of the nation already had at least one anti-cannabis law on its books. Of course, none of these laws meant the government would stop researching the drug. In the early forties, the Office of Strategic Services began testing the effectiveness of marijuana as a truth serum.

While the organization tested many other substances for this same purpose, including LSD, cannabis proved to be their most successful truth drug. In 1943, they gave a cigarette mixed with THC to mafia enforcer, Augusto Del Gracio. He quickly warmed up to the investigators and gave up all information about his gang’s heroin operation.

While the government was becoming cozy with the drug, the public and its legislatures became more paranoid about the effects of marijuana on their society. As a result, mandatory sentencing was introduced for anyone caught in possession of marijuana. Punishments included between 2 and ten years in prison and fines up to $20,000 –equivalent to around $175,000 in today’s currency value.

Despite these strict sentences, marijuana use continued to grow. In 1965, one million Americans had tried ganja. That number reached 24 million by 1972.

Raid image courtesy of the OhioAttorneyGeneral.gov.

These mandatory sentences were repealed in 1970 and a commission on the subject that was appointed by Nixon urged legalization of cannabis. Unfortunately, that same year marked the start of the War on Drugs and the marijuana commission was ignored. The DEA classified marijuana as a schedule I drug under the Controlled Substances Act. Schedule I drugs, like heroin, are seen as to have no acceptable medical use and a high potential for abuse.

Despite the DEA’s opinion that there is no medicinal use for marijuana, the FDA wasn’t so sure. They established an experimental “Compassionate Use” program in 1978. Under this experiment, patients suffering from cancer, glaucoma or multiple sclerosis were permitted to legally use marijuana provided to them through the federal government. At the height of the program, there were over 30 patients. Although it was discontinued by the Bush administration in 1991, those already enrolled were grandfathered in. There are currently seven people still alive from the program and still receiving government raised pot.

Image by Troy Holden.

Between the FDA’s experiment and the thousands of years of further data about the effectiveness of medical marijuana, DEA administrative judge Francis Young agreed to hear a case regarding the legal status of cannabis. In 1988, Young recognized the effectiveness of the drug as a medicine and proposed the government remove marijuana from their list of schedule I drugs. The DEA put his recommendation aside and continued to try marijuana users on the same charges as junkies. Between the DEA and state law enforcement, it was estimated that someone was arrested every 38 seconds for violating marijuana laws in the U.S.

Since the Compassionate Use program started, many states tried to start their own medical marijuana programs, but these laws were largely symbolic because they all required doctors to prescribe the drug. Because federal law prohibits this action, doctors were afraid to issue prescriptions, as they may face legal sanctions. Even if the patient did receive a prescription though, there would still be no pharmacies to distribute it because it was against federal law for them to do so.

Image by Chuck “Caveman” Coker.

Everything changed with the 1996 California medical marijuana initiative though. This time, doctors only had to “recommend” the patient try marijuana and the patients were free to grow, possess and use the drug. By avoiding prescriptions and pharmacies, the law actually proved to be useful. Unfortunately, the federal government didn’t see it that way and thousands of users, doctors and dispensaries were raided and arrested by the DEA.

Despite the federal pressures, California’s law was largely considered a success, and seven other states followed suit and passed medical marijuana laws in 1998. By 2000, there were three more states with medical marijuana laws on the books. In 2003, Canada became the first country to completely legalize medical use of the drug.

The recent recession has proven to be another boon to the re-legalization of the drug, as state and federal governments face severe budget crises. In an effort to curb government spending, the DEA was ordered to stop raiding medical marijuana dispensaries. California will be voting on the legalization of the drug in November and many anti-drug advocates are still supporting the initiative, hoping that a tax on marijuana will help solve the state’s massive deficit. Marijuana is the number one cash crop in America and one of the largest industries in California. It is estimated that taxing the drug could bring in over $2 billion a year in taxes. Massachusetts is considering a similar initiative and many people are anticipating the federal government may be next. A $36 billion industry could certainly help the federal budget get back on track.

In the meanwhile, medical marijuana users are still in an awkward place, still not protected by the law, but not officially criminals either. Only time will tell if America will eventually follow Canada’s lead and legalize the use of medical marijuana completely.

Sources: Norml #1, #2, #3, Huffington Post, Salon, A1, Wikipedia

Categories
Interesting RTD Original

Defining A 3rd World Country

These days, people throw around the title “3rd world” to indicate a country is poor, but did you know that not all poor countries are 3rd world countries? Have you ever wondered if there’s such a thing as a 2nd world country? There is.

Here’s the truth behind the matter: a 3rd world country is any country that was not in league with either capitalist or communist countries during the Cold War. All capitalist/NATO countries were defined as 1st world countries and the USSR and its allies were labeled as 2nd world countries. 3rd world countries tended to be too poor to care about the cold war and its contenders.

Interestingly, since the term “2nd world countries” has fallen out of favor, a lot of people mistakenly label Cuba as a 3rd world country, but since they are still devoutly communist, they are actually still a 2nd world country.

Also interesting, all countries in both Africa and South America are 3rd world countries, with the exception of the small South American country of Guyane, also known as French Guiana. As its alternative name suggests, this country was allied with the capitalists countries as it was, and still is, a French overseas department. These days, they are part of the European Union and still use Euros.

Categories
Interesting RTD Original

Why Did Dutch People Wear Wooden Shoes?

Nowadays wooden clogs are largely sold in the Netherlands as tourist souvenirs, but have you ever wondered why someone would intentionally want to walk around in shoes that could give you a splinter?

The answer goes back to the country’s name, Neterlands roughly translates into “low lands,” which describes most of the terrain in the area. Because the country is filled with so many low lands, the ground was largely boggy and wet and leather shoes would become easily ruined and could not adequately protect the wearer’s feet from becoming damp. Wooden shoes on the other, were sturdy, could survive the muck and were better at keeping feet dry.

These days they are considered good safety shoes as they are difficult to crush or penetrate. They’re also good for kicking butt, as you can tell from this great Jackie Chan clip.

Categories
Comic-Con RTD Original

Comic Con Costumes From 2010

Comic Con isn’t just about sexy girls.That’s why I’m happy to bring you this second photo gallery filled with over 100 costumes from the convention…of course, plenty of them still include hotties, but who’s complaining, really.

Movies:

Let’s start off with everyone’s favorite sexy costume, the slave girl Leia. There’s always tons of stormtroopers, but the sand people costume is pretty rare.

Categories
Comic-Con Hotties RTD Original

25 More Pics of Sexy Comic Con Cosplay Girls

It’s that time again. Time for pictures of geeky boys and hot girls masquerading their hearts out at the 2010 San Diego Comic Con.

I got so many photos this year, I’ve decided to break up the sexy girl photos from the rest so you can have your eye candy now and get your nerd on later.

X Men Fatale:


J-Style Cosplayers:



Wonderful Wonder Woman:


Smokin’ Super Woman:



More Sexy Super Heroines:


Villainous Heart Breakers:

Just Straight Sexy:




Adorable Animals:



Warrior Babes:


Sweet Steampunk:

Categories
Comic-Con RTD Original

Elvis Stormtroopers Sing Evil

This was one of my favorite Comic Con 2009 moments. The gentleman on the left is the famed Elvis Trooper.

Hope you all like it.

Categories
Comic-Con RTD Original

Cool Merch & Exhibits At Comic Con 2009

Looking for something cute to poop on? How about Hello Kitty toilet paper?

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These Zip-A-Gang toys are tons of fun. They all feature cool zippers on their mouths and the giant back pack versions can be undone to unveil a  stylin’ sleeping bag.

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If you’re a big fan of Star Wars, you may enjoy these re-envisioned storm trooper toys.

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But perhaps you’re more of a Sponge Bob fan. There were two to choose from this year, regular or Lego.

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I don’t even know what this guy is from, but his huge inflatable booth presence was impossible to ignore.

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Personally, I’m a big fan of Wolverine, and the life-sized wax sculpture didn’t disappoint.

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All weekend long, fans flocked around this giant Transformer statue. It was pretty impressive at a massive 10+ feet.

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This Lord Voldermort statue was also massively impressive.

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Boba Fett also looked pretty scary. No M.C. Chris songs for this big guy.

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Lastly, but not least(ly), was the famed Dalek from Dr. Who at the BBC booth.

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Categories
RTD Original Stupidest Products (or ideas) Ever Weddings

Terribly Trashy Tuxes

It’s not only brides that choose bad outfits on their wedding days. Jerry Seinfeld once pointed out that all men look the same in tuxedos –these men certainly break that rule in the worst possible way.

I can’t see you, you’re in camouflage:
camotuxcamo-weddingredneck_wedding_07-x600

Look, we get it, you’re either into hunting or you’re in the military or you’re in a crazy militia. Whatever the reason you thought it was a good idea to go “commando” for your wedding, you were wrong. Camouflage and weddings just don’t mix. For more terribly wonderful camo wedding images, check out this post from Tacky Weddings.

Someone wants to be Willy Wonka of the wedding world:

NOZZE DI CLEMENTE RUSSO E LAURA MADDALONI

Is that Prince beside you in the first pic? I know he can get away with wearing crap like that and acting straight, but you can’t. Bad call dude. We know you’re a tool, you really don’t need to try this hard to prove it.

Ohh the colors!! Ohh the stripes!!! Ohhh the humanity:
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Yeah, I love stripes and colors…but not diagonal stripped blue weirdness. Seriously guy, points for originality and all, but this is just ugly. And really, what’s up with your shoes? At this point, you should have just gone for the blue suede.

I’m afraid of clowns:
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Or at least, I’m afraid of clown weddings. Balloon animals and hats are fun and all, but it’s never a good thing when your tux can be popped at any given moment.

Some things are best left in the past:
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This twenties tuxedo is a perfect example. I know vintage clothes are awesome, but don’t let an item’s oldness blind you from its ugliness. A general rule is orange and brown stripes never look good.

Ironic, huh?
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I know, you’re trying to be such a cool hipster by wearing an ugly seventies tuxedo. Won’t everyone think you’re so funny for being ironic? Isn’t it so funny? The answer to both questions is no. You just look stupid and the mustache isn’t adding to the hipster factor, it just makes you look like even more of a tool. Your Flickr set only furthers this theory.

So there you have it. Bridezillas are not the only tasteless ones in weddings. Gentlemen can be just as stupid and tacky. Remember guys, it’s hard to go wrong in black and white.

Categories
RTD Original Stupidest Products (or ideas) Ever Weddings

The 10 Trashiest Wedding Dresses

Your wedding day is supposed to be a sweet and special day that you will remember for the rest of your life. Unfortunately, people with no class rarely gain any just because they’re tying the knot. Here’s 10 reasons you need to teach your kids about the sanctity of marriage -particularly the wedding gown.

10 ) The Detroit Special


Ordinarily I find the term ghetto to be a little offensive, but in this case, is there really a better term?

9  ) (Not) The Dream Team

Nothing says "I'll never be more than a two-bit trophy wife, nor will I ever move out of my crummy city" than a dress sporting your favorite sports team.
Nothing says “I’ll never be more than a two-bit trophy wife, nor will I ever move out of my crummy city” than a dress sporting your favorite sports team.

8 ) The “Wait, You Wanted It To Look Like That?”

While I love how many brides have been turning away from white, there's a point where you say "Do I want to look like I skinned a flamingo?" The answer should always be "no."
While I love how many brides have been turning away from white, there’s a point where you say “Do I want to look like I skinned a flamingo?” The answer should always be “no.”

7 ) The “Camel Toe & Side Boob Together At Last”

First off, shorts and camel toe are never a good look for your wedding. Second, when the top looks like suspenders carefully hovering over your nipples, I pray you’re marrying someone as tasteless as yourself -say Michael Jackson?

6 ) The “Is That A Doily You’re Wearing?”

Can you say say slizz-ut? It looks like someone hit her with a net gun and she just decided to work it as a gown.

5 ) The Private Dancer

Thank you to Shessoghetto.wordpress.com for the highlights on the viewer's faces. Seriously, the expressions at this show girl's wedding are great.
Thank you to Shessoghetto.wordpress.com for the highlights on the viewer’s faces. Seriously, the expressions at this showgirl’s wedding are great.

4 ) The “Make Papa Hefner Proud”

Tit's McGee is known for her class and elegance. Seriously, this dress looks like a champagne glass trying to serve as the Hoover dam.
Anyone knick named Tit’s McGee is not known for her class and elegance. Seriously, this dress looks like a champagne glass trying to serve as the Hoover dam.

3 ) The “When I grow up, I wanna be Chelsea Charms.”

I’d love to see her get in a fight with Tits McGee over who looks beter with their obscenely non-existent tops laid out.

2 ) The “Mommy Taught Me Right”

Tacky crystals and a huge train don’t trick anyone into thinking your dress is less trampy.

If you’re wondering what her mother would say, check out this respectful and demure mother of the bride dress. Yes, it does run in the family.

1 ) The “How Much Did Your Wife Cost?”

Russian brides rarely come this easy. Is she going to a wedding or to an auction block?

At least there’s a back to the dress…kind of.

If you enjoyed this post, be sure to check out its sister post, Terribly Trashy Tuxes.